Rosewood

He takes all major credit cards.

Network: FOX
Day/Time: Wednesday 8 e/7 c
Where are we?: Miami

Another show, another guy running, but this time just for fun (when is running ever fun?). He has a large heart surgery scar and sees copters flying above and heads to that area. There was a jumper and based on a couple of vitals, the guy identifies him as a pancreatic cancer patient who was in the “Magic City” for one last hurrah before he took a header off a balcony. He does autopsy consultations. . .which nobody really seems to want. . .

He goes home and his mom talks about some 23 year old girl, who she cares about for some reason (I couldn’t really hear and missed it) who was found dead after her car went over the guardrail and into the ocean. Rosewood (our hero’s name) is on it! He gets the body into his futuristic autopsy lair and barks orders at his sister and her gf, like “Blacklight my world.” I hope they’re rolling their eyes. . .because I am. He finds some weird thing on her foot that is important for some reason and some splotches of things on her stomach. Coool.

He goes to the Miami PD to tell them what he founds and has what’s supposed to be flirty banter with Girl Tank Top Cop (GTTC), but instead we all just feel awkward. Especially when she says she has a husband. He questions why she would leave the NYPD after making lieutenant and she’s vague, which TOTALLY means her husband is dead. Well, that and the awkward flirting. They also make her wear cotton tank tops through most of the episode (when she’s not in a dress), so clearly they’re trying to make her look approachably sexy.

They go to question the deceased’s bf and after beating him around a bit, Rosewood asks where his almond butter is and says he has all the ingredients for her last meal. . .saltines, almond butter, and whiskey sour. Ok, up until like a month ago when I finally threw out the almond butter that I learned I was allergic to, I had those ingredients too. . .minus the sour mix. I’m sure most of you have at least 3 of the 4 as well. They arrest him, but then Rosewood notices some splotches which are consistent with being drugged, just like the vic. He’s ruled out, I guess? She was having an affair with some older man, but the bf doesn’t know anything about him. Back to the drawing board!

They figure out who he is and go to his boat. He doesn’t answer, so GTTC busts open the door and he’s dead with a gunshot to the head and a gun in his hand. Look, I’m no cop, but this looks clearly set up. Another trip to the autopsy lair shows that he had a stamp on his arm to a club. It doesn’t make sense to them that this older guy would go to a club (um, he has money?), so they decide to go check it out. Even in fleece (in Miami?!) and cool t-shirt/blazer combo, they look like cops.

They meet some guy and start asking him questions he doesn’t like. . .he fears for the safety of everyone in his life but GTTC gets herself an invite to “The Lavender Party”. Ooh! That sounds so relaxing!

Backstory time! Rosewood tells GTTC about how he has two holes in his heart and brain aneurysm issues and only has less than ten years to live due to the fact that everything in his body is a ticking time bomb. He then tells her to go home to her husband (who’s dead, right?).

Onto the party! It’s on a yacht (and nary a lavender product to be found!), and GTTC is dancing up on some dude (and her acting is way more natural when she’s not copping it up). She drops something into his pocket and then Rosewood shows up. He starts bothering Carlos (the dude she was dancing up on whose party it is), the professional DJ, and Carlos is like “Get off my boat.” Meanwhile, GTTC goes downstairs to use the bathroom/snoop around and finds drugs hidden in his spinning record things.

Carlos finds her and pulls a gun, they wrestle, he gets his gun back, runs off, and takes some young blonde girl hostage. Guns are drawn, but Rosewood to the rescue with some injectable he has that will make your nerves feel like fire. Everyone is safe and they got the bad guy! Carlos also copped to killing the original vic, which was caught on bluetooth, which is what GTTC slipped into his pocket at the beginning of the party.

Rosewood shows up at the Miami PD again and talks about how he always gets milkshakes after a hard case and she talks about how her husband is dead (AHHH!! I KNEW IT!!!!). He’s like “Oh man, I’m an asshole. . .also, are you available?” Then points to his billboard like a douchebag.

Reaction:
There are SO many crime procedurals on this season. And all of them involve someone having a special skill. This show all around feels like it’s trying too hard. Every conversation is banter, the female lead is trying so hard to be a kickass cop, but succeeds most in scenes that aren’t about that, and the chemistry between Rosewood and GTTC feels really forced. The whole thing just kinda fell flat for me. There’s also mumbling, which is my nightmare.

What It’s Against On My TiVo:
Survivor

What it’s against that night:
ABC: The Middle/The Goldbergs
CBS: Survivor
CW: Arrow
NBC: The Mysteries of Laura

Verdict: Not adding

Prediction: It’s not overly compelling, and because it’s leading into Empire and not out of it, I don’t see it lasting.
No to Season 2

The Breakdown
Quote from Kid Who’s Too Smart: No kids!
Over-dramatic News Promo: Watched on my computer. . .but extra categories are below
Thing My Dad Was Doing While I’m Trying to Watch the Show: Talking loudly to my mom in the kitchen
Mom’s Take: “I wasn’t really watching, but from what I could overhear, it sounded pretty contrived.”
Unnecessary Slam on Something Innocuous: None!
Cops or FBI Agents?: Cops

Oh my gosh! That’s. . .

Anthony Michael Hall!

Anthony Michael Hall!

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About gluedtothetube

Who loves tv? Um, everyone! Especially me. I'm always looking for the next show I actually watch live (vs. DVR), so why not let me watch for you and tell you what's awesome (and what's. . .well. ..notsomuch. . .)
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