Charlie’s Angels

Why was this show necessary?

Network: ABC
Day/Time: Thursday 7:00pm Central
Where are we?: Miami

Meet your new Angels!

Abby- Park Avenue princess turned thief.

Gloria – Marine who ended up getting court marshaled for bad things. Doesn’t really matter.

Kate – Cop turned dirty cop

As the show starts I’m thinking “I swear Minka Kelly is in this show. . .” They locate some trafficked girl using an iPad that has some super spying app (I wonder how much iTunes charges for that. . .). After smashing lots of things (nooo. . .the nice flat screen tv! Look away, my tv! It’s too painful for you to watch!). They say trite things to her like “You’re safe now” (seems to be a pattern in the writing. . .). They leave with that “phew, we’ve put in a long day of work” look, Gloria goes to her car and BOOM! FIRE BOMB! Didn’t see that one coming!

They all mourn, mentioning about a million times that Gloria was “like a sister.” Ok, we get it. It seems like “sister” is the only thing they actually can say about her. It’s like that person you know when people ask about her you’re just like “Oh, she’s nice,” because she is so boring that she’s neither offended nor excited you. They go through the footage of the fiery crash, and see some shady chick on a motorcycle who looks at the car and speeds away.

Guess what? It’s Minka Kelly! I didn’t realize that she has a Katie Holmes-esque baby voice. It makes it really hard to take her seriously as a bad ass. Use your lower register! Her character, Eve, grew up in the orphanage with Gloria and they escaped a sex trafficker named Pajaro, by stabbing him with an angel statue in the church (foreshadowing of their lives). They got away, but the rest of the orphans did not. Miss Hannigan doesn’t look so bad now, eh?

Eve is sure Pajaro killed Gloria, mainly because Gloria had enlisted her to kill Pajaro (oh man, Confucius was right!) and that they need to find him. Gloria’s apartment has been trashed, including a stuffed gator that Abby got her last Christmas. I guess we know who the bad gift giver is of the Townsend Agency.

It turns out Pajaro is a multi-millionaire named Rodrigo who throws “more white parties than Diddy”. (“Get a new theme, poser!” – Diddy) Eve is all like “I’m gonna kill that mofo!” and Kate and Abby are like “No! Angels don’t play like that!”

Charlie (who sounds like Victor Garber, but is actually Robert Wagner), tells them that the key to get Pajaro/Rodrigo is to get to photographic-memoried Nadia. She has security detail except when she’s at his mansion. The ladies get into the party as caterers (what catering company is like “Ok, yeah, it’s your first day, work this really high profile party.” Really, they should be doing funeral brunches for a while). Btw, the theme is “Heaven and Hell”, which they then say is appropriate. Yeah, we know. The symbolism in this show could have been written by 7th graders.

Abby gets waylayed by bitchy girls she knew in high school, and is super happy to have instant laxative spray (ooh. . .where can I get that?). It falls on Kate to offer Nadia some hors d’oeuvres, but we know that bitch doesn’t eat! So, Bosley hits on her, she’s onto the fact he’s not the starving grad student he says he is, Nadia gets drugged. Eve, meanwhile, is poking around the mansion, waxing nostalgic about her almost-sex trafficked days. Pajaro finds her and it’s torture time!

Nadia comes to on a plane with Kate and Abby. They tell her they’re over the Atlantic, heading to St. Petersburg. They manage to get out of her where they can find Eve, then open the plane door, and it turns out it was a fake flight, using fans and fog! Ok, that’s actually pretty cool.

They go rescue Eve, and after lots of crotch kicking and punching, they uncover all the sex-trafficked teens. They didn’t even need a laundry basket, some iced tea, and Chris Hansen! But Rodrigo got away! Kate and Eve jump into a swank sports car (Eve is good at cars!) and do a Donut of Death to knock him to the ground, so that he can be arrested (lame! kill him!)

Charlie makes an offer to Eve to join the Townsend Agency and become an Angel, which she has to take so we can have a show. We also learn that Bosley joined because he skimmed a penny off of people’s tax returns. Apparently these writers don’t think we’ve seen Office Space?

The action in this show keeps you watching, but the writing and the acting is pretty bad. Rachael Taylor and the guy who plays Bosley are probably the best. And Rachael is an Aussie who can actually keep an American accent going. I watched her on Grey’s Anatomy last season (if you don’t watch that show, they take away your chach license), and I thought she was pretty good, so I have to blame the writing. There are so many stock lines, including “Take what he’s paying you and I’ll double it!” It’s like they spent their energy coming up with cool tactics (like the fake flight), and not so much in emotional development.

This is an updated show, which on its own drives me crazy. How about some new ideas? It feels like people are afraid to be told they’re referencing an old show, so they just remake one. Unless the writing improves, I don’t see this lasting.

What it’s against on Network TV:
CBS: The Big Bang Theory/How to Be a Gentleman
NBC: Community/Parks and Rec
FOX: The X Factor Results
CW: Vampire Diaries

What it’s against on my DVR:
Slot 1:
Community/Parks and Rec
Slot 2: Nothing

Verdict: There are too many other shows on on Thursday to add this one. Unfortunately, cool effects don’t hide the less-than-par writing/acting on this show.

Prediction: Thursday is a tough night, and I just don’t think this show has what it takes to survive it.

The Breakdown

Person whose relative is a reference to Bernie Madoff: Yes

Appearance by an incidental cop: Not really

Weight comments: No, but these bitches is fit!

Pearl of wisdom: nothing. I know. nothing.

Weird Local News Promo Content: Lifesaving pets! (I hope there’s a cat that dialed 911)

Oh my gosh! That’s: Rachael Taylor from Grey’s!

"Can Dr. Lucy come back from Africa please? Please?!"

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About gluedtothetube

Who loves tv? Um, everyone! Especially me. I'm always looking for the next show I actually watch live (vs. DVR), so why not let me watch for you and tell you what's awesome (and what's. . .well. ..notsomuch. . .)
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3 Responses to Charlie’s Angels

  1. Pingback: How to be a Gentleman | Glued to the Tube

  2. Pingback: Highway to TV Heaven | Glued to the Tube

  3. Pingback: Who Got Renewed? | Glued to the Tube

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